But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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