is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
