im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
