Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
