im drinking this country out of the recession.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Vodka?
Forever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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