What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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