she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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