Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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