haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
