Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
