Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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