I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
