Just cropdusted the office
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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