So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My hand turned me down
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
