I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
