You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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