How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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