I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
please come you make the beer taste better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
