She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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