She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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