At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
