Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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