Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
