he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
