i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
