I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
