oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
