update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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