I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize