the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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