I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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