PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Couch. On fire.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
