Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
