Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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