And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
