I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
