just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
