That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
