And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
