he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
