Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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