I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
