They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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