oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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