apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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