this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
