there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
