How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
