Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we're so committed to being not committed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
