He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
